Sorority Priority

Well, I've been told I should post this. It's a rough draft of a satirical article I wrote a couple of days ago. Just a heads up warning, this is SATIRE. So it should be funny, offensive and totally wrong. So if you're easily offended, skip this post. Don't worry, I won't take offense.

     Girls, if you're not in a sorority, you don't have a life in college
     Well, arguably, not true. But that's certainly the image that gets shopped around. But then again, I know next to nothing about sororities in the first place. No, scratch that. I know nothing about sororities which makes me the perfect outsider perspective.
     Let's talk stereotype: Blond, generally tanned and add to that a stunning capacity for pulling a supermodel look on a regular basis as well as a shockingly low grade point average and we have ourselves a perfect picture.
     These are the people I can instantly classify as “Sorority girl” just by looking. Apparently, if you know anything about sororities, you can tell which ones they're in, too.
     I remain amazed at how much sorority girls spend on their hair, their make-up, their clothes – and it's not just time, people. Let's be brutally honest about it. It's the girls with Daddy's bankroll that make a big splash with their three hundred dollar heels and their high class trash dresses. It's almost as bad as celebrities who show up on the red carpet with $3,000 designer jeans that look like they came from the local Salvation Army. They're the local pretend celebrities who harness much more attention than they're worth. I've gotta wonder about parental priorities when it comes to that.
     I mean, really? You want to finance your daughter to finding socially shallow “sister-for-life” girlfriends at college and spending a good three quarters of her time worrying about what her “sisters” think? You want her flirting with boys who most likely don't care about her, or her dress, but rather how fast they can get her out of it? Let's be honest, that's not life experience nor can it be claimed as such on any kind of job application.
And then there's the lack of social creativity. Doing something? If you're a sorority girl, most likely you're going to be doing it with your sisters and therefore other casual social acquaintances can't be involved. Which makes for a limited social circle, if you ask me.
     What about common good-bye's? The latest fashion trend for sororities, it seems, is to tell all your sisters that you love them. But, as one acquaintance told me, “it's, like, an obsessive love. They're always obsessively saying that they love their sisters. Every time they see one of their sisters they tell them, 'Love you!' and stuff. It's kind of creepy.”
     I was recently asked by a sorority girl what I did for a night out. My prompt response: “I went on a blind date.” This was met with amazement and wonder and lauded as gutsy. Apparently, not being part of a sorority actually allows me to hang out with more guys. What a shocker since I thought sorority girls always had dibs on the hot guys. Somehow I wind up with the hot “Prince Charmings” who are somehow not Frat boys. And they're Prince Charming to boot. Maybe I'm just lucky.
     But I'll get real—I don't have much of a social life if you really want to get right down to it. When people ask me about my life, I generally tell them, “A day with no class does not mean a day with no studying. I am student therefore I am not entitled to a life.” Classification: Student—person who spends more time than is healthy studying, worrying and generally being an over-achiever.
     Classification: Sorority Girl? Completely different. They're not in college, for a start. Nor are they students. They're at college being social butterflies that somehow wind up in class from time to time looking naively studious (I'm thinking Legally Blond, here: It's not that they're not smart, but their priorities are different, people). They spend more time on social events than is healthy and generally have sunny dispositions. Party or study for that final? Party almost always gets priority.